SANDBOX #3 Ex-sex? Now, this may well mean that you give up sex for a while. What we’re really talking about here, however, is whether you should enjoy a blast from the past. First, talk to your lawyer about dating an ex. If the divorce isn’t final, never have premature ex-aculation sex.
There have been many happy re-marriage marriages. Actually, I even know of two very good re-re-marriages. Enough to make your head spin.
There’s actually one very good reason to have ex-sex. It often diminishes feelings of rejection and may improve the friendship of a failed marriage. That’s one reason. There are many more reasons not to engage in ex-sex. Statistics show that there’s a normal recovery period from a failed relationship. It takes at least one quarter of the time invested to completely heal. Look at the math:
A 10-year relationship will take 2.5 years to recover from. A 30-year marriage takes 7.5 years. I believe this is also the same system they use in California courts for sentencing forgers. You can see that it’s a potentially very long prison sentence. The moral? Hanging out with your old, ex-crowd doesn’t help you start a new life. Besides, by knowing that typical figure, you can change it. Pity the poor schmuck who just accepts their statistical lot in life. Not you.
Going back into a failed relationship for purely ex-sex (unless you have a contractual agreement that keeps it purely casual) is usually just an attempt to do one of two things. Either, to try and escape a present sense of failure (such as one party’s hasty re-marriage), or because the sex was just hot.
Trust me. There’s better sex ahead of you than behind you. Always.
There’s another ex-dating secret that’s only recently been revealed (unfortunately) on daytime talk shows. Some of the best ex-sex in the world is with ex-in-laws. Why is it so steamy? Because it was often hidden lust for years. The kind of lust boiling under the surface. The friendly kisses under the mistletoe at Christmas and the lingering birthday hugs often add up.
The same issues apply to ex-mutual friends. In both cases, the parties often feel comfortable with each other and know each other. Oftentimes, even better than the original partners. It’s a heck of a way to be introduced to your next love.
On the other hand, this also explains why so many marriages break up. Too bad Donahue let the cat out of the bag. It may have spoiled some of the best ex-friendships in the world.
So if you’re going into a sandbox relationship, go in with your eyes wide open. There’s another way to handle sandbox relationships, though. Build a better sandbox. Since we want to have a better dating life, we only really have two choices anyway. First, we can go somewhere new or do something that stretches us. Second, we can look around at our existing sandboxes and see what high quality goods may be right there in front of us.
Tags:ex-dating, ex-sex, sandbox relationship
