If I had known the absolute necessity of the ‘her’ point of view before I was married, I would have saved a lot of grief. Only after becoming a statistical ex did I learn about a very interesting story that occurred while we were still dating. We had gone out as a foursome to dinner. In typical male fashion, I left a respectable tip. There’s a fine example of financial misunderstandings between man and woman. At the very time a guy will complain about the price of his date’s order, he’ll turn around and leave a large tip—almost flirting with the waitress. But that’s not the only moral of this story.
My then girl friend said she was going to the powder room. One of my friends happened to turn around and look back as we three were leaving the restaurant. My soon-to-be had actually sneaked back to our table and taken the tip in her hot little hand. Since that time, alert to the possibility, I’ve since seen the same thing happen perhaps a dozen times, and waitresses tell me it happens frequently.
So I’ve become absolutely convinced that comparing how a couple tips in a restaurant is only one important indicator about financial compatibility. Just sweetly ask the party you’re with, “What do you think the tip should be?” If you’re really feeling sneaky (and this probably applies almost exclusively to the women), offer to pay the tip and then ask how much it should be. That’ll give you two answers about your date.
But money alone shouldn’t inevitably separate people: finding financial compatibility is just part of the wooing cycle. There’s always money involved in figuring each other out. The question is what value each side attaches to it.
I know of one couple who are very compatible ((dating wise) but know that their conflicting financial styles would never really allow them to be happily married. They happily exchange what they can with a clear understanding of benefits on both sides. They’ve succeeded in achieving that ancient art of love known as woo-woo.
Take poetry and mix it with money for an example of the eternal nature of woo-woo.
In ancient Mesopotamia, Princes recited many eternal love poems, out to woo their wives…girls who had been given over in arranged marriages. This honored tradition was expensive. Authors would read their poems to the prince, and the prince was almost honor bound to pay the reader. One can only imagine if the Prince’s readings were unsuccessful, what ill fate might have befallen the poet.
The moral is that too many people don’t put a personal value on their dating. I know one man who bought a stuffed fish pillow for a girl on their first date. He told me he had no idea why he bought that trout, instead of buying flowers. He trusted his intuition, and spontaneity, and she loved it (At least she seemed to: they’ve been dating exclusively for 3 years now.).
Pick dating gifts that reflect your personality without ignoring your date’s. Budget for wooing. Express your preferences for a limited range of trinkets and treasures.
Never a bad idea, in any age, for anyone—Princes or paupers—to try and woo their partner. And if someone happens to be woo-able by a new Masserati or a used Hope diamond, that’s their business.
Tags:dating, secrets
