BE AWARE: Since many dating services offer options of friendship, dating, serious relationship//marriage, or alternative connections, think first about what you really want. As homo sapiens, we are pretty savvy these days and won’t give you a millisecond of our valuable time if you b.s. about wanting a committed relationship but then indicate otherwise with your words, body language, and actions. If you want raw, passionate sex, say so. You will likely find the readers who respond to your profile–which shows you know yourself–will want the same thing. If, conversely, you want to go directly to the chapel or synagogue or grassy wedding field, avoid flirting and leading others on. Even if it’s sex they want, you will still hurt them, frustrate them, and have very bad karma.
BE REAL: I teach at-risk students who are some of the toughest, most ballsy people I know. One of them wrote in his journal the other day that in order to expose the real he would have to be real himself. Smart kid, huh? If you want to find, for example, a person who accepts your eating straight from the pan, your relaxed housekeeping habits, or your smoking a pack and a half a day and having five drinks every night, then it would behoove you to avoid coming off as a ritualistic perfectionist who doesn’t smoke, drink, or do the–as my student would say–420. Why would you want someone nagging you and trying to change you as soon as he/she discovers the “real” you in a few months, anyway? And for God’s sake, when you choose a picture (which it is strongly advised you do—since none of us has the desire to date the unknown comic), avoid the temptation to use that 1975 picture of you from that one year when you were skinny, that wedding pic of you as the best man–ten years ago before your hair took leave and before your gut stopped fighting gravity–or the cutout of a model (ala George Costanza). *And while we’re on the pic kick…avoid including the gorgeous woman whose arm is draped all over you in a bar or the hot hunky man whose lap you sit abouncing on. We prefer not to compare ourselves to your past.
BE INTERESTING: If you approach a potential online–in an instant message or email, for example–a vapid “Hey” is a bit vague. So is “Tell me more about yourself.” You don’t need to recite Rilke, but a back and forth of “heys” is as fun as, well…it’s not.
