In one very clever Will and Grace episode, Grace is searching for her own apartment, away from Will, so she can grow on her own (which fans know wasn’t going to happen…in that episode, anyway). She and Will peruse the classified section, looking at ads for houses, which Grace translates, humorously setting Will straight (ahem) on how the “charming fixer-upper” means the “rat-infested dump” (my examples, for lack of memory) and “close to transportation” means “train shakes house forty-two times a day.” Despite my horrific bastardization of what was an adeptly humorous scene, you get the idea: that ads–housing ads, help wanted ads, or dating personals ads–are often understandably written in euphemistic (good sounding) language…. Or can be. The idea is you’re selling something–in the case of dating personals, yourself–and so want to carefully posit the high points, the qualities and assets, instead of the liabilities and lack.
Say, for example, you are skiing down a beautiful freshly-snowed over mountain on a beautiful, crisp day, and you want to avoid crashing and ruining your whole trip. If you stare at the tree below and keep concentrating on the NOT hitting of the tree, you will crash straight into that tree. You will attract that which you put the most intense and most devoted focus on. So in designing dating personals, one suggestion is to follow the same philosophy: by avoiding even the use of negatives (like “not”, “can’t”, “won’t”, “hate”), you can put a halo on the devilish flaws or character defects you probably tend to exaggerate anyway.
Now mind you, this is different from lying. Saying you are gorgeous when you are above average in looks may set your readers up for disappointment. But saying you are attractive (and adding a specific detail, such as striking eyes or a healthy shapeliness) rather than “not bad looking” will prevent even the most jaded of Wills and Graces from misinterpreting in your dating personals ad your “prefer younger women,” as “cradle robber,” or your “slightly used model” as “wanton sleep around with low self-esteem.”
Tags:dating personals, online dating profile, online dating services, online matchmakers
